I was sent an email at work from a supplier and the following message was listed at the bottom. You may have seen a similar ‘fact’ snippet at the bottom of emails you receive. I typically print drawing and other technical documents that are easier to read in hard copy other than that I do not print but that is not a result of the following.

Please consider the environment before printing this e-mail
1 ream of paper = 6% of a tree and 5.4kg CO2 in the atmosphere
3 sheets of A4 paper = 1 litre of water

I typically only print drawings and other technical documents that are easier to read in hard copy, other than that I do not print much at all, but that is not a result of the above.

Nevertheless, some good advice on the first line, as there is nothing worse than printing nude photos of the aforementioned Tunge and having the boss get to the printer before you. You can always deny printing the document but if he wants to ring IT and chase down the culprit well then, you are pretty much federally fooked.

The second line is a complete falsehood. A ream of paper equates to approximately 0.6% of a tree not the 6% so blatantly boasted. Based on this figure the gram figure can be adjusted to a figure surprisingly close to five eighths of fook all.

Lastly but not least the claim that 3 sheets of A4 paper = 1 litre of water. I am not sure if the author of this dribble is suggesting if you squeeze 3 sheets of paper together a litre of water will piss out everywhere or he is just trying to tell you that making 3 sheets of paper uses 1 litre of water. But here is some information for you Einstein. 2500 years ago there was the exact same amount of water on this planet as there is today. At the beginning of time there was the exact same amount of water on this planet as there is today and in 500 years the same rule will apply.

From this you may print as much shit as you like because the fact is, trees continue to grow, water continues to be used, be evaporated into the sky, fall on us as rain to continue the same cycle over and over and people will always and I mean ALWAYS find and excuse to print pictures of shit that can just as easily be seen on a computer screen!

I would like to introduce you to a little friend I call Tunge, Tounge, Tongue or any other variant involving those letters you can think of.

He is an interesting chap. Luckily only a select few of you out there will know whom I am talking about, but he is a truly rare friend indeed. He can laugh with you, cry with you but one thing he likes to do more than anything is to beat you! Beat you mentally, beat you morally and in the case of a sleeping friend, beat you physically.

But there is a special little place he holds in his heart that very, very few people know about him. He loves to win cash and loves it nearly as much as much as he loves dominating someone in a verbal argument on social etiquette. No actually, he loves to win cold hard cash much much more, which brings me to Saturday afternoon.

It was my punt for the punters club, I had $100 that needed to be bet somewhere. I decided Vision and Power and Triple Honour were the place to be. Much to my annoyance said Tunge suggested that both of my decisions were STUPID and a waste of hard earned punters club money.

Vision did nothing but a flying Triple Honour nearly pulled (finished 2nd) of a $450 return. As Trip’s race finished a noise rarely heard occurred as the Tunge started jumping for joy celebrating a trifecta victory! I sat bewildered for a moment trying to determine how a person who could denigrate me so openly for picking a second place horse could have somehow won a trifect in the same race. It soon became apparent that the Tunge had in fact picked Triple Honour in his trifecta, the sly dog. Tunge celebrating only as a Tunge can thought that this was the greatest thing in the history of the world and celebrated accordingly…. He celebrated that is until he checked his ticket. Whoops it seems the Tunge filled out his ticket incorrectly. That would mean no win.

Not surprising, Tunge was quite disappointed with this mistake and sooked into his beer for a number of minutes. He whinged he moaned but nothing changed the fact that he had cost himself a number of hundred dollars. I must admit I even, nearly felt a little sorry for him.

After a brief period the Tunge fired back with a bet here and a bet there. Soon enough the unit was back. He started to concentrate his considerable abilities on a little town known as Toowoomba. After a few minutes of study he declared a special that would be hard to beat. Thinking that he was acting his niff nuff normal self, know one listened to him. He made a significant bet that defied logic and watched the race unfold. As the line approached the only thing I could here was an abusive Tunge telling anyone who will listen that he tipped it, bet it and won the mother fooker. I did a little maths in my head and determined that Tunge had won enough money that maybe it was time to be his friend.

About 10 minutes into my sucking up process and Tunge’s relentless celebration the loud speaker at the TAB informed us of some facts that would make me laugh for a good solid 10 minutes. The Toowoomba race that Tunge had just won was declared (for no apparent reason) a no race!! A NO RACE ie. no bets counted and Tunge’s second huge victory of the day had been torn from his proverbial wallet! Sure he got his money back back its not the same.

It may seem cruel but jees I laughed!

Another NRL season is upon us and with that comes another Optus Footy tipping comp. This year Optus are offering a $1000 first prize to the best tipper on the entire Optus site while here at Notasmartman.com we can offer the most awesome prize of $50 to the winner of our smaller internal comp.

All you have to do is got to the website http://footytips.optuszoo.com.au

Use last years log in if you still have it or register as a new member. Once back in the game go to ‘competitions’ then to search for ‘www.notasmartman.com’ once you have found it your can join. The password is ‘fangsta’

For what its worth I once again like the Broncos to win it all. If Locky can stay fit and the Wallace / Smith combination can be arranged correctly we should be able to see our way through to the GF.

FYI here is the draw for the first five rounds

2010 TELSTRA PREMIERSHIP DRAW

Home Away Venue Day Local Time NSW Time TV
Round 1: 12 – 16 March 2010
Eels v Dragons Parramatta Stadium Friday 7:35 pm 7:35 pm CH9
Broncos v Cowboys Suncorp Stadium Friday 7:35 pm 8:35 pm CH9
Bulldogs v Knights ANZ Stadium Saturday 5:30 pm 5:30 pm FOX
Sharks v Storm Toyota Stadium Saturday 7:30 pm 7:30 pm FOX
Panthers v Raiders CUA Stadium Saturday 7:30 pm 7:30 pm FOX
Titans v Warriors Skilled Park Sunday 1:00 pm 2:00 pm FOX
Rabbitohs v Roosters ANZ Stadium Sunday 3:00 pm 3:00 pm CH9
Wests Tigers v Sea Eagles Sydney Football Stadium Monday 7:00 pm 7:00 pm FOX

Round 2: 19 – 22 March 2010
Rabbitohs v Titans ANZ Stadium Friday 8:35 pm 8:35 pm CH9
Dragons v Bulldogs WIN Stadium Friday 7:35 pm 7:35 pm CH9
Warriors v Sharks Mt Smart Stadium Saturday 7:30 pm 5:30 pm FOX
Knights v Storm Energy Australia Stadium Saturday 7:30 pm 7:30 pm FOX
Cowboys v Panthers Dairy Farmers Stadium Saturday 8:30 pm 9:30 pm FOX
Eels v Sea Eagles Parramatta Stadium Sunday 2:00 pm 2:00 pm FOX
Roosters v Wests Tigers Sydney Football Stadium Sunday 3:00 pm 3:00 pm CH9
Raiders v Broncos Canberra Stadium Monday 7:00 pm 7:00 pm FOX

Round 3: 26 – 29 March 2010
Wests Tigers v Eels Sydney Football Stadium Friday 7:35 pm 7:35 pm CH9
Dragons v Cowboys WIN Stadium Friday 8:35 pm 8:35 pm CH9
Panthers v Storm CUA Stadium Saturday 5:30 pm 5:30 pm FOX
Sea Eagles v Knights Bluetongue Stadium Saturday 7:30 pm 7:30 pm FOX
Titans v Raiders Skilled Park Saturday 8:30 pm 9:30 pm FOX
Broncos v Warriors Suncorp Stadium Sunday 1:00 pm 2:00 pm FOX
Bulldogs v Roosters ANZ Stadium Sunday 3:00 pm 3:00 pm CH9
Sharks v Rabbitohs Toyota Stadium Monday 7:00 pm 7:00 pm FOX

Round 4: 2 – 5 April 2010 (Easter)
Roosters v Broncos Sydney Football Stadium Friday 8:35 pm 8:35 pm CH9
Storm v Dragons Etihad Stadium Friday 3:35 pm 3:35 pm CH9
Sharks v Eels Toyota Stadium Saturday 5:30 pm 5:30 pm FOX
Cowboys v Titans Dairy Farmers Stadium Saturday 6:30 pm 7:30 pm FOX
Warriors v Sea Eagles Mt Smart Stadium Sunday 4:00 pm 2:00 pm FOX
Raiders v Wests Tigers Canberra Stadium Sunday 3:00 pm 3:00 pm CH9
Knights v Panthers Energy Australia Stadium Sunday 4:00 pm 4:00 pm FOX
Rabbitohs v Bulldogs ANZ Stadium Monday 7:00 pm 7:00 pm FOX

Round 5: 9 – 12 April 2010
Dragons v Broncos WIN Stadium Friday 7:35 pm 7:35 pm CH9
Titans v Storm Skilled Park Friday 7:35 pm 7:35 pm CH9
Rabbitohs v Knights Bluetongue Stadium Saturday 5:30 pm 5:30 pm FOX
Cowboys v Wests Tigers Dairy Farmers Stadium Saturday 7:30 pm 7:30 pm FOX
Bulldogs v Warriors ANZ Stadium Saturday 7:30 pm 7:30 pm FOX
Sea Eagles v Sharks Brookvale Oval Sunday 2:00 pm 2:00 pm FOX
Panthers v Roosters CUA Stadium Sunday 3:00 pm 3:00 pm CH9
Eels v Raiders Parramatta Stadium Monday 7:00 pm 7:00 pm FOX

We recently moved work premises to a place further out of the centre of Brisbane town to a little place known as Browns Plains, well not technically the suburb of Browns Plains but close freakin enough to it.

Anyways, one of the boys got called out on a job earlier in the week and for some stupid reason decided it would be ok to leave his car parked on the street while he was up in Cairns sorting out our client. Let it be known that a number of people tried to warn him….but some people need to learn things the hard way.

When asked if he was “alright mate?” a little tear rolled down his cheek.

It amuses me that so many people put photos of themselves on Facebook etc doing things that some may consider questionable. It is not just photos but movies as well that can cause maximum amounts of embarrassment if a careless person makes a terrible mistake.

Many people just do not care about the possible outcomes of a bad image on their career or life in general. The surprise for me is the amount of people who I believe do not even give it a second thought. They have no concern as to how a potential employer or customer may perceive them after a quick search on the wonderful world of interweb central. Maybe it is a good thing that people can feel so free that they can behave how they like and prove it with photographic evidence I however feel that it is a little naïve.

The other problem is people who think they can take photos of other people and feel they own the right to publish these images on the internet and pass them around like it were their right. I have been guilty of editing photos of celebrities from the internet and using them for my own attempts at comedy on this web site so I need to be careful about my thoughts on this matter but if Fevola (or someone who got the photos from him) has somehow sold images of Bingle to Womens Day then it is not the best of darts. Perhaps if permission is given to use these images I would have no problem but the current example of Lara Bingle seems a bit unfair.

You all no I am not a huge fan of Michael Clarke and I am not that interested in Bingle either but ….. ahh who cares… here a some photos of her…

not bad, bit hippy

what is with the thighs?

whoops fev

By Greg Hoffman of the Intteligent Investor

Every year since 1996 – when I first read Roger Lowenstein’s book Buffett: The Making of an American Capitalist – I’ve looked forward to the release of Warren Buffett’s annual chairman’s letter to the shareholders of Berkshire Hathaway. The latest – released at the weekend – did not disappoint, getting stuck into CEOs in a way that few politicians would dare.

But first, a few of Buffett’s key themes. Each letter begins with a table summarising the change in Berkshire Hathaway’s book value (a crude and understated measure of the company’s true value) compared to the S&P 500 index. If you look at only one page of his letter, make it this one. There is no more persuasive case for the power of compounding.

Berkshire has underperformed the market index just seven times in the 45 years since Buffett assumed managerial control. Last year was one of them. The S&P 500 outpaced Berkshire’s book value 26.5% to 19.8%, although that followed Buffett’s thumping of the index in 2008.

Between 1965 and 2009, the S&P index has risen by 5,430% (9.3% per annum). Berkshire’s book value has risen by 434,057% (20.3% per annum). Over 45 years Buffett has grown Berkshire at more than twice the rate of the index. The result is an absolute return 80 times greater than that of the index; that’s the power of compounding.

Buffett also talks regularly of a business’s ”intrinsic value”; ”The ideal standard for measuring our yearly progress would be the change in Berkshire’s per-share intrinsic value,” Buffett wrote. He then went on to say ”Alas, that value cannot be calculated with anything close to precision”, an important point to remember if anyone ever tries to sell you a computer program which professes to calculate this figure.

Crucial distinction

Buffett also highlighted a crucial distinction that often trips up novice investors; a spectacular growth industry does not automatically equate to strong shareholder returns.

In fact, the opposite can often be the case. ”Charlie and I avoid businesses whose futures we can’t evaluate, no matter how exciting their products may be. In the past, it required no brilliance for people to foresee the fabulous growth that awaited such industries as autos (in 1910), aircraft (in 1930) and television sets (in 1950),” Buffett explained, speaking for himself and his business partner. He then delivered the killer point.

”But the future then also included competitive dynamics that would decimate almost all of the companies entering those industries. Even the survivors tended to come away bleeding.”

Buffett also explained that, ”We’ve put a lot of money to work during the chaos of the last two years. It’s been an ideal period for investors: A climate of fear is their best friend.” For those looking to emulate Buffett’s approach, if not performance, this is a key point.

”Those who invest only when commentators are upbeat,” he continued, ”end up paying a heavy price for meaningless reassurance.” ”In the end,” he wound up, ”what counts in investing is what you pay for a business – through the purchase of a small piece of it in the stock market – and what that business earns in the succeeding decade of two.”

Scorn for failed CEOs

Special scorn was reserved for the CEOs of companies requiring government assistance. Buffett believes these people – and the boards responsible for overseeing their performance and remuneration – deserve to suffer.

”The CEOs and directors of the failed companies…have largely gone unscathed. Their fortunes may have been diminished by the disasters they oversaw, but they still live in grand style.”

He was just warming up. ”It is the behaviour of these CEOs and directors that needs to be changed: If their institutions and the country are harmed by their recklessness, they should pay a heavy price – one not reimbursable by the companies they’ve damaged nor by insurance.”

And finally, ”CEOs and, in many cases, directors have long benefitted from oversized financial carrots; some meaningful sticks now need to be part of their employment picture as well.”

It’s hard to disagree with these sentiments. But it also appears, as occurred with his observations on the dangers of derivatives, which he years ago termed ”weapons of mass financial destruction”, that, while much needs doing, little will be done.

Greg Hoffman is research director of The Intelligent Investor which provides independent advice to sharemarket investors.

When did it become the super 14?

After a look on the trusty website Wikipedia it seems that this major change occurred in about 2006 which interestingly occurs at about the same time I last gave a crap about super 14 or rugby union for that matter.

For some reason on Saturday night the pub I was at were showing a super 14 game on the big screen. I say for some reason, as there were absolutely zero people watching it. I take much satisfaction from the fact that rugby union is dying a natural death in this country for one simple reason, it is freaking boring. More satisfying is that I have been spruiking this fact for a number of years.

Given the choice of watching the Queensland Reds play the Auckland Blues and the Queensland Firbirds play the Northern Mystics in a hotly contested game of netball I would choose the fire birds every single time. Yes I am suggesting that netball is a far more entertaining sport than rugby union.

And I finish todays belated rant with the following. If you like rugby union as a sport you have a major problem. It seems your wife has removed your testicles in your sleep, put them in her hand bag and supplemented your viagra pills with estrogen.

I have been away for work but am back on deck this week. If you need help with locating your testicles let me know.