It pains me to admit this but we all have to agree with the fact that soccer (or football to others) is the world’s game. It garners the most support, has the highest participation rate and causes the most riots.

I used to play it as a younger fellow and will admit I did quiet enjoy it. Not as rough and tumble as league, more free flowing than gridiron and the coach could hide me at left fullback to minimize the damage I could cause. I did reach the heights of qualification for a regional squad but I believe the coach quickly worked out that there must have been some sort of strange paper work mix up, I was mysteriously soon sent home…

I have tried to watch it a bit of late, the local soccer comp and the English premier league. I find it intolerable to be forced to endure a nil all score line at the end of 90 minutes. I consider this horrendous darts!!

Two changes are required.

First, increase the goal size from 7.32 meters wide x 2.44 meters high to the much more shot friendly 8.5 meters wide x 3 meters high. Welcome to heaven! Yes that’s correct, I HAVE JUST ENDED nil all score lines.

Second, I will have you jailed if you ‘fake it’ for a penalty. That’s right, off to the slammer for any budding young Hollywood want to be’s. You thought it was bad when you got accidentally tripped on the field, you are in for an education when you get accidentally tripped in the cell block shower boy.

You listening FIFA? Larger goals and threaten sooksy la la’s with the punishment of penitentiary sodomy. You will get my drift?

Have you ever wondered how many people die on average every single day on this planet? I hadn’t really, until yesterday that is, so I googled it. It turns out that this figure seems quite high, well in my opinion it seems high, but when you think about it as a percentage of the total human population of this planet (6.2 billion) I guess it sounds about right.

I enjoy reading foreign newspapers (ahh the beauty of the internet) to see how certain news events are reported (portrayed) in other countries. I spent a bunch of time last night review many foreign papers to see if there were any mention of the 3rd anniversary of the Asian tsunami where some 170,000 people lost their lives. I was unable to find any real mention of it other than in some Australia online news papers (I didn’t check any Asian papers for language reasons).

When September 11 rolls around all we hear about for 2 days before this date is the tragic events of that fateful day in 2001 where 3,000 people lost there lives. I agree 9-11 was tragic. But in my opinion this day, as tragic as it was, pales in significance to the events of December 26th 2004. Yet the media barley mentions it. I guess I just don’t understand why one event is so news worthy and the other one isn’t.

By the way, an average of 155,000 people leave us each and every day. A little less than the 170,000 that left us in the tsunami. Don’t worry, birth rates nearly double the death rate so we are in no real trouble…….

Surprise, surprise I am going be negative about something

I blame women’s liberation for the current housing pricing situation, plain and simple. BUT before all you ladies out there who read notasmartman.com (yes I know you love it) get upset I use the above comment for shock value only. You shouldn’t be on the internet anyway, you should be in the kitchen making me a pie!!

Back to my theory….We have gone from a time when in the 1960’s women were fighting for equality and their rights. Fair enough. At that time the majority of families were single income only.

We then progress forward to the 80’s where 40% of mothers worked full time and the number of dual income families started to increase significantly.

Then into the late nineties and early 2000’s where, in the majority of families both husband and wife worked (or both single parents work) and dual incomes are at an all time high.

Harping back to a previous post ‘Today’s financial conundrum’, housing prices have increase by 10% per year for the last 100 years and salaries have only increased at an average of 3 to 4%.

So how did we sustain this housing price increase?

I personally feel it is due to the increased existence of the extra wage earner.

But I would be interested on your thoughts on this. Are you a sexist pig like me? Or do you believe there is an alternative explanation to this?

Continuing the Christmas theme I thought it prudent to mention my hatred of this particular holiday. Here is why

its not the commercialism
its not the increased price of petrol
its not the ridiculous lack of taxi’s
its not the annoyingly large crowds on the inane search for the perfect gift
its not the pretending to like people who you really don’t care to much for
its not the good will that will soon disappear
its not the ridiculously hot day that rolls around every year
its not the Christmas carols that can’t disappear fast enough
its not the inter-office secret Santa gifts that should be set on fire
its not the rubbish that seems to take over all television channels

IT IS because after all these months of hearing about it, counting down, advertising and ‘Christmas cheer’ we only get 2 official days off work. What a gip!

So I have decided that I will take a leaf out of one of my favourite TV characters scripts. This year is a Festivus for the rest of us. Instead of a tree, we will have an aluminin pole with no decoration. I find tinsel distracting. There will be no presents, instead we will tell all the people around us how they have disappointed us over the last year!

Sorry to rain on your parade if you like this holiday, but I personally believe the whole dam thing is a crock of crap! Or maybe I need to take some sort of medication to be able to join the rest of you.

Fair thee Festivus!

We are coming into the guts of the Xmas period now and while I don’t particularly enjoy any facets of Xmas, I have been know to partake in a quiet ale from time to time. We now need to answer this long debated question

What is the best hangover cure?

Here are some suggestions I have heard / tried before

Drink Coke – A suggestion made by the Coca-Cola company I am sure. This doesn’t work, if you think it works let me know and you will be entered into the notasmartman hall of fame.

Vegemite on Toast – I have tried it and found it difficult to get through the dry toast. The theory is that the vitamin B from the vegemite replenishes your systems vitamin B after the previous nights pizzling.

Grease / Bacon and Eggs – If you have the ability to go into your kitchen and cook this sort of thing up with a ‘hang over’ then I have some news for you, YOU DON’T have a hang over. If you have a real hangover you cannot cook this sort of thing. If you are able to purchase greasy food from the local snack shop then this cure works ok.

Berocca – This seems to work ok but does not make you feel 100%. Your pee also turns a weird colour. Having a Berocca the night before is said to work but I have never been able to remember to do this.

Orange Juice – Supposed to replenish lost vitamin C. In my opinion this Orange juice just makes you feel worse. It doesn’t mix well with other drinks or food.

Milk / Chocolate Milk – Is supposed to make you feel better. Unless it is icy cold this just makes me feel queasy. I must admit, some ice coffee I had the week of the Melbourne cup went down a treat…. I was still hung over afterwards though.

Milk does NOT work as a stomach lining if taken the night before. This is a high school rumour that I can confirm is false.

Fat Burger from Hungry Jacks – To the uninitiated this is called the Bacon Deluxe burger. It works a treat and is guaranteed to remove 70% of the hangover. The worse the hang over, the more fat burgers you should have. I actually grade my hangovers on a fat burger scale. The worst hang over I have ever had was a 3 fat burger.

I would be interested in any other concoctions you may have found that make the hang over ease?

 ZERO RETURN – GOOOOOONNNNNNEE

All up in Sydney

SR6 3 Pasikatera into

SR8 1 Comepsa $30 the win

Win / Place in Brisbane

BR7 6 General Patton $5 each way

Win / Place in Adelaide

AR6 8 Miss Presley $5 each way

We are having a frightful time lately settling on a pub that we can all go to and good time on a Saturday afternoon.

Can anyone tell me about any decent pubs in Brisbane that include the following in order of preference.

Large TAB or pubtab (needs to be lots of tables / stools & more than 1 TAB machine)
Air conditioning
Central location with easy access from busses and trains
Fairly priced beers (none of this over $5 for a beer)
Staff with a good attitude (preferably female, hot, single and interested in me)

Can anyone else think of any requirements?

Can anyone list any locations in Brisbane? Or any other city for that matter.