It pains me to admit this but we all have to agree with the fact that soccer (or football to others) is the world’s game. It garners the most support, has the highest participation rate and causes the most riots.

I used to play it as a younger fellow and will admit I did quiet enjoy it. Not as rough and tumble as league, more free flowing than gridiron and the coach could hide me at left fullback to minimize the damage I could cause. I did reach the heights of qualification for a regional squad but I believe the coach quickly worked out that there must have been some sort of strange paper work mix up, I was mysteriously soon sent home…

I have tried to watch it a bit of late, the local soccer comp and the English premier league. I find it intolerable to be forced to endure a nil all score line at the end of 90 minutes. I consider this horrendous darts!!

Two changes are required.

First, increase the goal size from 7.32 meters wide x 2.44 meters high to the much more shot friendly 8.5 meters wide x 3 meters high. Welcome to heaven! Yes that’s correct, I HAVE JUST ENDED nil all score lines.

Second, I will have you jailed if you ‘fake it’ for a penalty. That’s right, off to the slammer for any budding young Hollywood want to be’s. You thought it was bad when you got accidentally tripped on the field, you are in for an education when you get accidentally tripped in the cell block shower boy.

You listening FIFA? Larger goals and threaten sooksy la la’s with the punishment of penitentiary sodomy. You will get my drift?