How do you tell someone they stink? Whether it be in a job, at a relationship, as a lover or well, if they just plain old stink. There is something about the brutal honesty that is required to tell someone that they are not, terribly good old chap, that turns my stomach.

Luckily I have only been faced with the last proposition and man does this dude STINK! Unfortunately, I still work with him, going on 10 years and he still freakin pongs to high heaven! Every time a new person starts we enjoy watching the whole process, as said n00b, starts sniffing it, then over a period of time deciphering the owner of the odour and then the final approach to others in the desperate search of resolution. The worst part about it is, that this smell, as pungent as it is, is now odourless to me. I can’t smell it…… it has become part of me and as such, my brain has accepted it as its own. That, my fat little friends is Bad Darts.

We have never really figured out a way to tell him, leaving a note on his desk, complaining over-enthusiastically about the BO smell of someone else who has just left the room or leaving a can of deodorant on his desk.

To save the fate of the next new person to start at my work or the next time any of us need to tell someone they suck, do any of you out there have any suggestions as to how best achieve the desired outcome?

PS If you are lucky enough to meet me one day and I stink, please tell me.

PPS If this blog stinks, please don’t tell me as “I just don’t think I could take that type of rejection” (Free Red Rooster voucher to the first person to name which movie the above quote came from)

Charlie walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says:

“Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache.”

His wife is lying in bed and replies: “I think you’ll find that’s a sheep, you idiot.”

The man says: “I think you’ll find that I wasn’t talking to you.”

Ray Williams was freed yesterday after serving his sentence after pleading guilty for misleading statements he made about the financial position of HIH (more on this later). For this crime he was sentenced to four years, six months in jail with a non-parole period of two years, nine months. He completed his sentence and was even man enough to admit fault and apologies to the

investors who lost money in his company collapse.

I am not an advocate of light sentences or the heavy/death sentences by any means. I am an advocate of following the umpire’s decision and when every Tom, Dick and Harry is having a whinge about, early release this and light sentence that, it is not the criminal at which you should be directing your frustrations, it is the Judge. If you are that upset about the decision write a letter to your local member and make your disapproval known. I would be interested to know how many complaints in writing were received about Mr Williams sentence. Not to many I would suspect, it seems easier to stand on a soapbox and have a verbal whinge after the fact.

Back to HIH, It was commonly known at the time before the collapse that HIH was in a large amount of debt (any one who read the annual report would have known this). As are a number of Australian companies trading on the stock exchange at any one time. It was just a small discrepancy as to the extent of this debt that was lied about. Still a lie and wrong but if you are invested in a company, you should be reasonably aware of the responsibility for debt that your shares carry. For example if you owned one share in Company X and your one share in the company carried a shareholder equity of $7.80 per share but carried a long term debt of $7.70 per share it does not take a rocket scientist to work out that if things go bad (you have a bad trading year), you are going to struggle to cover this debt. And if you are not aware of this or do not accept this, than I am sorry, you have absolutely no business being invested in companies or the stock market or having a cry when things go bad.

Anything written in the new papers this week about those brave two Australian kayakers Justin Jones and James Castrission will be in instant page turner for me. I just don’t get it and I couldn’t care less that they were able to paddle from Australia to New Zealand. What does it prove?

You didn’t see the late great Sir Edmund Hillary putting daily entries on his blog page, checking his positioning via GPS or feeling the quite confidence of a prepared rescue plan in place. His achievement was so famous because he did it without any chance of rescue. If these two kayak kids had achieved their feat facing Hillary type obstacles I may have been interested. The fact they made it just means we, the taxpayers are saved the expense from trying to rescue these them.

One of them has even had the audacity to bust out the old “if you just believe in your dreams and don’t give up you will achieve your dreams” lines. People have been spruiking this old chestnut for decades. It is throw away lines like these, that propagate ideas of pointless achievement to the next hapless generation. Then again, my dream was to write an unsuccessful blog with a moderate following….. well, what do you know, another dream comes true.

Since they have succeeded maybe we can come up with some ideas for their next “great frontier”?

A Russian man has been charged with killing two friends with an axe after he walked in on them cutting up his pet dog for food at his home in eastern Siberia, local prosecutors said today.

Alexander Yermilov, 40, “caught two friends with the body of his beloved dog, which they had cut up for meat” when he returned to his home one evening in December, the prosecutor’s office in the town of Chita said in a statement.

“Flying into a rage, the dog’s owner grabbed an axe from the floor and began to strike his uninvited guests on the head,” the statement said.

Yermilov then called the police to explain what had happened. He has been charged with two counts of murder and is in police custody, the statement said.

Well I have got to hand it to the law makers this week they are on fire with a couple of beauties.

Law 1.
The crazy scientists at the laboratory have decided that to lower the road toll they will get their magical satellites travelling around the world at 50,000 kph to control and limit the speed of our cars. Yep, that’s what we need, some satellite miles away controlling our cars. I know full well that this is theoretically possible but really, common, satellites are here to bring me sport from the other side of the globe, not limit my ability to push the company car to 187.5 kph. I can also hardly wait to see what happens during the next solar flare….

Law 2.
The crazy greenies, led by the gyrating walking skeleton want to ban us using plastic bags to haul our groceries around in. I actually heard one of these niffs suggest that the future bags should be made from paper. NEWSFLASH cockle head, they were made of paper 25 years ago, and they were CRAP. Every time you put to much weight in them they break or heaven forbid it starts to rain as you are trying to unload your groceries.

Notasmartman.com – Solution.
Lets think laterally here, we have two problems, to many plastic bags and speeding cars. Well hang on, I propose one law to cover both problems. If you are caught speeding you have to put a plastic bag on your car arranged like a parachute to slow you down. The more times you are caught, the more ‘speed bags’ you will have to drag behind your car. We will eventually achieve a level of equilibrium where the speeders can’t go any faster and we don’t have any bags out in the environment causing us problems.

Law 3 (This is not funny in any way)
On December 31 2007, Telecommunications Minister Stephen Conroy announced the Federal Government’s intention to censor “inappropriate material” from the Internet. [2] Under the proposed system any Australian who subscribes to an ISP receives a “clean” version of the Internet. However, Internet users may choose to opt out of the “clean” version by contacting their ISP. [3] The Federal Government’s aim is to protect children from accessing violent and pornographic websites. However, such a system was proposed in 2006 and was rejected on the basis that it would slow down the Internet and would not adequately protect children.

DAM IT!! I am sick of this rubbish!! Make the people who leave their kids unsupervised on the internet opt in to the clean version. Don’t punish me because some niff let his kids log on to butt boy heaven dot com. Take responsibility for your selves or I will take my fist and introduce it up your jacksy…. whoops, wrong website…. got to go

Hillary Clinton turned on the water works yesterday and low and behold the next day she gets what she wants, the Democratic nomination for New Hampshire. Maybe it was always going to go her way anyway but I find it hard to believe these tears weren’t part of a planned show of emotion…. or maybe I am cynical?

Reports across all of India’s newspapers reveal descriptions of victory and jubilation stating that “they have won” and “have made” Australia back down. Proving that if you don’t like the umpire’s decision all you have to do is cry, make threats and you will get what you want.

It seems we are surrounded by people having a big bloody cry about something. From Britney Spears not wanting to hand back Kevin Federline’s meal ticket to Leyton Hewitt wanting Chris Guccione to serve it slower so he can make sure the lines-people can see whether it is in or not…… or is that Bec wanting to make sure its in?

Its giving me the annoyances, I remember once as a young fella (6 or 7 years old) playing footy and a kid on the other team for no reason was calling me a big fat useless piece of etc….. I played the rest of the half confused wondering if I had stood on his sore toe or something. I then remember walking to the sideline and asked my old man why this kid was saying this sort of stuff. He said, “Is there something wrong with your bottom lip mate? It doesn’t matter what he said. If you get a chance to tackle him make sure you do it real hard but as soon as the game is over and its time to shake hands you look him straight in the eye and tell him well played” I thought he was just plain wrong at the time and some one should tell that kid to shut up, but now I look back I guess it was just his way of saying what happens on the field stays on the field.

For the record that kid stepped past me twice the next half and scored both times. Maybe I should have tried to burn his effigy at half time instead?