Dear Shirvy,
Is Marteen Iamasmartman.com’s evil twin?

Answer
I am not sure, it is possible but I doubt it. I think I met Iamasmartman driving a taxi on Saturday night. He seems all right but pretty sure of himself. Marteen seems to be a little less intimate with the general population than the taxi driver.

Dear Shirvy,
Can you please repeat that pizzling you gave IASM!! I’d do it myself but it’s getting boring and you did it so well….

Answer
No.

Dear Shirvy,
How did you not notice the Ompa Lompa climbing on to the bar stool in front of you? Don’t give me the bullshit story you were drunk and didn’t notice it, tugging on your shirt.

Answer
I am not sure where to begin with this one. You seem to be one of these blokes that opens his mouth to speak and is unable to articulate what you are really trying to say. Try again.

Dear Shirvy,
SJ, Would you be interested in selling the website?

Answer
If the price offered were considered to a fair equity price for the web site I would consider this. However I don’t intend selling my baby to anyone at this point.

Dear Shirvy,
Why do people that can’t fight in real life pick virtual fights and act really tough and that over the internet behind the safety of their keyboard?

Answer
It is an interesting phenomenon that actually began with the advent of unlicensed CB radios. These “button pushers” as they became known would take great joy in annoying, taunting and interrupting other people on CB trying to have a conversation. The button pushers were soon made silent when the ability to triangulate a transmitters position became common knowledge in the CB community. I am happy to say I will have a similar ability soon with this web page. As to why they do it…… boredom maybe.

Dear Shirvy,
Long time listener, first time caller…..could you please tell me how to convince my wife I need more man-to-man time?

Answer
I can only suggest that if you wife knows that you are having fun and she isn’t, then she must end your fun as quickly as possible. The best way of making sure you can spend more time with your mates is tell her what a crap time you had last time (even though it was the best EVER) and that you are just trying to support your mate cause he is a lonely loser with no other friends. Tell her it’s not fun but somebody has to do it.

Dear Shirvy,
Can you please tell me what the difference is between pashing and bashing?

Answer
Yes its quite simple really, pashing is what happens when I chop almost any chick anywhere, bashing is what happens when the chick complains to the bouncers about my unwelcome approach.

Dear Shirvy,
Is turkey slap sunshine a cocktail?

Answer
If it isn’t it should be. I was unable to locate proof of its existence so I can only suggest at the moment it would be an incident from big brother where one of the other housemates opened the window halfway through to let some light in.