It seems that in the above mentioned battle for supremacy Blue-Ray has won by TKO in the 3rd round with Toshiba’s HD DVD refusing to come out for the fourth. You ok HD DVD? You ok mate?

I am a fan of technology; I am just not a fan of paying for it over and over. Man it would piss me off if I had invested the couple of thousand to pony up for the HD DVD technology and now face a dead end product. That’s it, no more movies or blank media will be released in the format that you whole-heartedly supported & believed in like it were your own footy team. Good bye South HD DVD Sydney, even Russell can’t save you.

The development of new ‘media’ never seems to end. They have gone from VHS to Stereo VHS to VCD to DVD to Dual Layer DVD to HD DVD or Blue-Ray. In the mean time you may have gone from CRT TV to Flat Screen CRT to Wide Screen CRT to Plasma TV to LCD TV. Plus with all that you have had to go from free to air TV with the option of subscription TV to Digital TV and an option to upgrade to High Def or HD or Digital subscription TV with iQ.

After all of this you have successfully paid out a small fortune to the ‘media’ makers of the world who in turn invest some of these returns on inventing new special features or improvements that you, the good little consumer, will need to purchase to make sure you are getting the best picture possible and keep up with the Jones’s.

Its true though, I get given crap about the 68cm Sony Trinitron that I purchased 6 or 7 years ago that still seems to work fine. Its “so small” are some of the jibes I have received (yes, I refer only to the TV). Don’t get me wrong, I would love a huge 50 inch flat screen high def TV with Blue-Ray and HD feed from Foxtel, hell throw in a PS3 and I probably would spend even more time on my arse experiencing ‘media’. But I know all to well as soon as I have purchased these “babies” some punk will invent some new freakin feature that I would need to buy!

The next step is TV via the internet which is really going to open up some new channels, it is here now, but the quality will improve as internet speeds get better.

So come on, tell me some of your ‘tech’ purchases that were outdated in a matter of minutes?

Dear Reserve Bank, please raise interests rates 2% tomorrow. Please, pretty please with sugar on top. It would send the economy into an instant recession enabling me to avoid hearing about your inevitable 0.25% rise for the next 8 freakin months.

In all seriousness, if this interest rate rise did occur it would result in an artificial anaphylactic shock that bring realisation to the hopes and dreams of all those people out there who are destined to default on their mortgages in the next 8 months.

Lets be clear, if you are sailing real close to the wind at the moment you are gone! Unless you can come out with a significant pay rise in the next 3 months then, well kiss your ass goodbye. If you were honest with yourself you would be strategising a way out right now and not waiting for the bank to force our hand.

Inflation is a necessary evil. It is unfortunate when it occurs at an inopportune time but if you can bare it out you will be in a reasonably good position at the end of the storm. Realistically you have had fair warning from the endlessly increasing price of houses to the exponential growth in the price of raw materials ie. steel, copper, coal and fuel.

I am calling for this 2% instant interest rate increase for two reasons. Number 1, I am a believer in the old adage of removing your band aids in one foul swoop RIGHT off!!!! and the faster you accept your fate the faster you can redeem your position. Number 2, I don’t have a home loan, so this will not really effect me, other than the possibility of buying some cheaper default sale house sooner rather than later.

I only bring this up because I am not sure what is allowed and what it frowned upon. Is it an all open affair where you can use any weapon available or should we limit our selves to the good old knuckle?

I think glassing is terrible darts and if you do it you should be in quite a deal of trouble. But what happens if someone tries to glass you? Should you just stand there knuckles extended or are you in turn, allowed to pick up a glass and start stabbing?

What do you do if you suddenly find Bruce Lee’s twin brother coming at you with heel kicks and cartwheels like some sort of acrobat? Can I in turn sweep the leg Karate Kid style and go for an exposed knee?

In this day of cage fighting, a sport I will admit more than a passing fancy, can I defend myself with some shoot in wrestling tactics backed up by some good old fashioned ground and pound with elbows from all directions?

Hitting people when they have gone down?

Hitting them in a headlock?

Kicking them in the jubblies?

Hair pulling allowed (if your opponent has a stupid looking ponytail)?

Crying like a baby, waiting for them to turn around in disgust, hitting them in the back of the head and running like hell?

Waiting for the fight to blow over and attacking them later when they are not ready?

Sending your girlfriend in to fight for you?

Pissing your pants so they wont touch you?

Are any of these things considered, ok?

Should street fighting techniques and etiquette be taught in our schools to ensure that our kids are on the same level when it comes time for a good old dust up? Like the sex education that was forced down our throats, teach the kids something that can actually save lives. There will always be fights, it is just knowledge that can keep fights safe.

Let me know your thoughts.

I spent most of the weekend at a caravan park and it is something I haven’t done for a few years. I must admit I had forgotten how ‘things’ work in a trailer park.

What is the deal with all this borrowing? I guess its good in a way, you lend people things and you borrow things. As long as it is all returned there should be no problems.

People walk in and out of your site like it’s a common community which I suppose it is. But it is a little disconcerting when you are carrying out some daily body ‘maintenance’ and you look to your left and some strange women is looking at you through an open window.

Night times are a little strange too, I tend to get a bit rowdy and I can understand how this could be frowned upon. So to all the people at Kingsliff caravan park Saturday night I am ‘sorry’.

To the person who found my mobile phone and returned it to the caravan park office I say thank you. Honesty is back!

And to the bouncer at the Kingscliff Tavern. You need to make your instructions clearer, I don’t understand whispers at 3 o’clock in the morning. If you want to redeem yourself leave a message and we can shape up for round two anytime.

Its time once again for everyone to jump aboard the knowledge train. If you have a question you need answered you know where to go. Ask Shirvy!

Dear Shirvy
SJ I have to ask the question…do you get the girls, I think NOT. You need some serious coaching.

Shirvy Says
I could take this question two ways and will try and answer both.

Do I get the girls, as in do I understand girls?

Yes, you all seem to be looking for different things and sometimes a combination of a bunch of different things. You are a wind sock of thoughts and emotions unlike men who can generally count their current emotions on three fingers. Me hungry, me thirsty and me horny.

Do I get the girls, as in am I dating a lot?

I do ok in the dating area. I am no moisturiser using pretty boy who loves the nightclub scene and thrill of the kill and I ain’t no 40 year old virgin. I am happy with my abilities and have come to the conclusion that if someone disagrees with my jokes or conversation that’s fine.

Dear Shirvy,
I am interested to know that if your father did something to another family before you were born and now one of these family members is making a demand for an apology for your fathers actions what would you do?

Shirvy Says
I would suggest that your fathers actions were his choice and not yours. You cannot be held responsible for his actions thus apologising would seem a bit silly. If your question had other connotations it is a little more difficult to say.

I enjoy Valentines Day. It is always a good giggle as the women get a predictable bunch of flowers, men get shafted with the huge bill for something that lasts about 4 days and the florists count their cash and hope to hell they can keep the doors open till Mothers day.

In line with my no gifts policy I was happy to receive no flowers today. I did receive a drunken text message but I was able to quickly delete it before I was influenced in any way.

It is interesting to me that the women who receive these flowers are so happy when they arrive. I mean, wouldn’t the gift mean more if it were given on a day when the TV Radio and ‘other’ media are not reminding you of your Valenduty (yes I have created yet another new word) every five minutes?

But hang fire on those flowers boys there is hope for us yet…. The wonderfully advance David Levy PhD has advised us that by mid 2050 we will have artificial robots that will be close enough to human that we can have ‘relations’ with them. Last I checked you don’t have to buy robots flowers.

So scratch the last 50 years gentlemen, we will have ‘someone’ back in the kitchens, cooking our dinners, cleaning our houses and bringing us beer when watching sport soon enough. It just won’t be real women….. I can live with that, I just cant live that long. Hurry up Dr Levy get these robots into production.

Don’t worry ladies you can get a robot as well. I would be interested in knowing what sort of robot you would get? A smooth looking pretty boy? a massively endowed handy man? Do tell.

Its happy days for anyone who owns shares in the Commonwealth Bank (CBA). Well it should have been but there value dropped a full 6.8% today on news of a record profit. What’s that you say “record profit?” Yes you heard right kids, record profits are bad news. To be fair, you would make “record profits” every single year if you whacked all of your money in a 6% long term deposit with the local bank and sat on your hands.

Interestingly, CBA’s result was only 3 percent less than their earlier forecasts, but the share market decided that this was terrible news and sold out at significant proportions. What is the madness that causes this behaviour?

Anyone who tries to tell me that this sell out has anything to do with this ‘evil’ bank increasing their interests rates an extra 0.05% on top of the Reserve Bank increase will be booed and hissed at until my throat is sore.

I am fully aware that in 12 months the CBA market capacity will probably be much higher than it is today but I do find the short term market movements interesting at times.

Why do you think such a sharp drop in a pillar of the financial community would occur?