I have copped a pizzling from all and sundry about the performance on the weekend. I got 8 out of 16 which in my eyes is not that bad but obviously doesn’t qualify me for a couple of houses. You happy now slaggers?

Checking out the news today it seems the government should have listened to my suggestions regarding the ‘Flame Mobile’ (patent pending). If you missed this you can read it here.

Punters club was disappointing also, I returned ZERO.

Story

Pam had lost her husband almost five years ago. Her daughter was constantly calling her and urging her to get back into the world. Finally, Pam said she’d go out, but didn’t know anyone. Her daughter immediately replied, ‘Mom! I have someone for you to meet.’

Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend away at the beach. Their first night there, she undressed as he did. There she stood nude, except for a pair of black lacy knickers; he was in his birthday suit. Looking her over, he asked, ‘Why the black knickers?’ She replied: ‘My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still mourning.’ He knew he was not getting lucky that night.

The following night was the same–she stood there wearing the black knickers, and he was in his birthday suit–but now he was wearing a black condom. She looked at him and asked: ‘What’s with the black condom?’ He replied, ‘I want to offer my deepest condolences’

and didn’t he……