Here we are once again at a major opportunity in Lleyton Hewitt’s career and I can tell you already that he is not up to it. The fact he has announced the upcoming birth of his new baby to me shows he has no belief in himself or his ability to win against Federer. I am sorry to say Australia pins its hopes to someone not up to the job. Facts are facts and that is the case. I will sit back and watch my $10 turn into a massive $10.50, however on an annual basis that is better than the bank and safer than houses.

Whilst I would give my left testicle to have an ounce of Lleyton’s ability (or money) I find I am constantly thinking to myself during his matches that I could out-strategise his opponent with his ability every single time. He constantly demonstrates one of the weakest sporting minds going in world sport.

People have given the great white shark a pizzling over the last week due to his expectations of a private wedding, some of them even attacking his career. For tournaments won and dollars returned the shark remains one of the best returning sportsmen on the planet leaving Ley Ley a distant nine hundred thousandth.

Not to take anything away from Roger Federer, the bloke is just top form and has a sporting mind that Lleyton would just dream about. He just seems to be able to do the maths mid point and realise that a hard cross court is gonna be enough to put him off balance for the straight drive you are planning next shot. Go Roger I just wish I could secure better odds about you!

A lazy weekend where a game of poker dominated. Not well enough to attack anyone this week so will bring you another form of entertainment.

Here are two of my favourite clips from my favourite TV show. Larry David is the king of Television in my opinion.

Rate M (Language)

Larry mixes up an obituary….

Larry is upset by a “soft” fold in a card game.

You guys gonna be ok over there in the land of the long white turd? I thought the English could sook a good game but you guys take the cake.

From when I was knee high to a clip round the ears I knew in the hard and fast rules of cricket, specifically, that out of the batsman scrambling through for a run and the poor old bowler trying to pull up after delivering a ball that the bowler has “right of way” as the rule books states.

Apparently not in Kiwi land, where, to have a man dressed in women’s clothing posing as prime minister is considered “acsseeptabeel” behaviour. You niffy nuffy twitanorts believe that the rules of more than 100 years should be adjusted to suit your sparrow-hearted views.

You suck, your whole country sux and as far as I am concerned you can go hang out in the poofter bars with your “freely elected leader” and the rest of your rugby league / union sides.

Some comparisons for you think about before you open your mouth in the world of opinion.

Your Russell Crowe is our Mel Gibson’s bitch
Your Brian McMillan couldn’t out bat our…….ummm…. Kim Hughes
Your Americas Cup win was Special Olympics to our real Olympics
Your Miss Universe would fetch an average price on our lamb markets

Check mate kiwi losers

Know your role and shut your mouths

I think we have a ratings bonanza coming to Australian television screens this winter. Stuff the Fenech fight, stuff the Mundine V Green talk, its time to see two of Australia’s most controversial characters in a battle to the death.

Hear me out please. I know you will all think that former crane driver, professional boxer and alleged stand over man Mick Gatto would quickly dispatch of Hinch’s corpse but lets make it a bit interesting. Lets have a series rounds and a final challenge to determine a winner.

First round
Both participants will be stripped naked and put in the middle of a boxing ring (for effect of course). They will then be given a 5 cent sized squeeze of Savlon and a Sao biscuit. Looking at each others quivering bodies they will enter into a war to determine Soggy Sao champion.

Second round
Both men have spent time in the slammer and should be used to the procedures in the shower. In the second round each man will have his hands tied behind his back, knees braced and be forced to pick up bars of soap with their teeth. A shower room full of “hardened” criminals will “cheer” each contestant on. The first one to pick up 100 bars of soap with their teeth wins.

Round Three
I leave up to you. How should these to niff nuffs sort each other out?

Final Challenge
The three round winner will have the upper hand in the “Final Challenge’ and be allowed to use a pistol to make their enemy dig his own grave. The loser will be left with 3 options, have a heart attack during the grave digging and die, dig the grave and get shot as it is complete … and die…. or pull off a Jason Bourne – 007 type move and use the shovel as a weapon to turn the tides in the final challenge winning against all odds.

I don’t know about you but this is the sort of television I could really watch!

Well to be frank no. A rubber match is when two fighters have fought twice with both fighters claiming a victory. The third and usually final match is called the rubber match. If Fenech wins tonight we would still have two more fights left to prove who the better fighter is. As it stands at the moment clearly Nelson is the better man with 2 wins to nil.

I have been watching some footage of Fenech’s previous fights and I had forgotten how horrible his fighting style is. His fights are dead set head-butt-athons. He stands in front of his opponent pushing his head as close to theirs as he can and sways side to side trying to land left and rights. Not pretty but I guess it was effective throughout his career.

Fenech seems to put in the hard yards and has lost over 42 pounds in preparations for the fight. Nelson on the other hand has been pretty quite in his preparations and will se the results tonight.

I for one cannot justify the money to get this fight on PPV. The fact that the TAB hasn’t even got a market up for the fight speaks volumes as to potential quality and legitimacy of the event.

I was driving along this morning in peak hour traffic, approaching some road works, when I noticed some bearded bloke in a hi-vis vest standing next to a speed sign pointing to it. He had caught my eye as I drove along and I wondered to myself “what the hell is he doing?” As I got closer and continued to look at him (dangerously ignoring traffic in front of me) and I noticed he was a road worker. We had found ourselves in a nice little stare down contest.

As I leveled up with him he started flailing his arms around like some sort of moron, pointing at the sign and shouting at me. I finally figured out that he wanted me to slow down to the posted 50 km/hr for his precious road worker colleagues. Fair enough too, I looked down and saw my speed was a staggering 53 km/hr (pre breaking). I am rather impressed at this moron’s built-in radar at being able to pick a car that is doing a massive 3 km/hr over the speed limit.

As I continued through the road works I was interested to see no other workers on site. Had they been working their lives would have been saved by this heroic act. A selfless road worker clearly on his day off standing at a road sign pointing out the sins of his fellow man, capital work there old chap.

I hope he is there again tomorrow…..

I was thinking to myself how lame those niff nuff twits sitting out in the rain in front of the new Apple store in Sydney last night and today. What drives someone to spend spare time, in some cases time off work, to be first to enter the doors of a new shop? These same types of people can be seen waiting in line 3 days before the release of tickets to movies and concerts.

I then remembered back a few years to when I was sitting in a bar with a few mates enjoying a beer and a punt on the horses when one of the friends wives walked in and was astonished at what we were doing. “How can you be bothered sitting there all day drinking beers and betting money on animals?” I thought to myself, well fair enough, you think what we are doing is a waste of time just as I think walking around a shop wasting money on unnecessary luxury clothes/shoes is a waste of time.

Just goes to show I am right and anyone not enjoying time with friends and more importantly drinking is just a philistine. Yes I realise the irony, or as Rambo would say, ironing in saying this. However, I am right and there ain’t no one out there that’s gonna learn me different.