I am distraught that I am writing about this but am frustrated enough that I must. Since when did any of us give a frig about the relationship between a 19 year old girl and a 22 year old man? Apparently we do, or the news outlets of this nation wouldn’t be dribbling news of the Stephanie Rice – Eamon Sullivan break up from pillar to post. Luckily we have only missed some news about Softy Boiled Williams and some niffer sooking about the price of fuel.

I do have some questions however.

What the hell is an Eamon? Is he one of these kids I keep hearing about who put mascara on and cut themselves? At least now he has a reason for the tears.

And how big is Stephanie Rice’s snoz? Lie her on back and we have found Sydney’s long overdue new airport runway including a built in takeoff ramp.

Is Stephanie holding something invisible in her left hand?

In breaking news some bloke on a Qantas flight has had to pee into a vomit bag. Gives a new meaning to the term feeling a bit pissy. Talk about pilots taking advantage of the security doors installed after 9/11 to protect them from ‘terrorists’. Well who the hell is going to protect you and your bladder? If you needed to empty the goon bag and some niffy pilot up the front was doing laps around an airfield what would you do? Lets Roll?