I have a problem. I must have done something wrong somewhere to someone because I couldn’t fall asleep if you dipped me in a tub of Rohypnol.

If I can get to sleep I am fine and you would typically need some sort of nuclear device to wake me. The issue for me is actually GETTING TO SLEEP. I have tried the following to no avail

Warm milk (just leaves a bad taste in your mouth)
Nock-the-topoff-it (doesn’t work for me)
Alcohol (can work but the amounts required may be excessive)
Exercise (not sure who thought this up but they were a niff)
Getting up early (yes lets wake up earlier to cause more tiredness)
Going to bed earlier (yes lets lie in bed tossing and turning longer)
Healthy diet (I tried this in 1997, tis for the birds)
Reading (just gets me think more)
Relaxing music (doesn’t work)
Watching TV (definitely doesn’t work)

I would be happy to hear from you people with suggestions to ease a tortured tired soul.