I decided I needed to purchase a couple of things yesterday which means I had to face the dreaded shopping centre. I hate the joints, full of niffs who aimlessly walk around like the whole facility is there own personal bedroom. My thoughts are you get in, go to the shop you need and get out in the shortest possible time.

If you are looking to drift along like time means nothing, looking from store to store like a crack whore looking for a score its time I made you aware of a little invention. About 19 years ago a bunch of nerds created the popular version of the internet. I suggest you sit on your fat duffs and browse stores on that bastard and leave walking the malls to people with a purpose.

Anyway, back to me. First I went into a men’s clothing store (not to be named for fear of embarrassment) I looked at a few items, picked a few and paid for them. I don’t try stuff on in the store for the same reason as above re ‘impatient shopper comments’. I walked out with a half sense of accomplishment.

Second I spent a solid 37 seconds in an Angus & Robertson book store choosing the ‘perfect gift’ for a friend of mine (no I didn’t know what book I was buying before I went in the store but it really isn’t that hard to choose a book now is it?). The book was placed into the clothes bag for ease of transport.

I then went into a chemist first looking for some pills to help me sleep re: songs-for-the-sleepless. Unfortunately the silly pog behind the high counter told me that I can’t be helped. As I tiredly trundled out of the chemist I tiredly lifted my head to figure out where to go next, as I did my eyes instinctively turned to the solution, the trusty bottolo.

Ahhhh sweet liquor, eases the pain. On completion of the purchase of a bottle of rum I placed it the bag I had received from the clothing store. I whacked that bad boy in the boot of my car and set off for home. On arrival home I opened the boot to the sweet smell of rum, nectar of the gods.

Apparently not trying the clothes on in the store has cost me more than $150 dollars in undersized rum smelling shirts and polos. My friend appreciated the rum soaked autobiography and I cried myself to sleep at 3 o’clock in the morning again due a severe lack of alcohol.

From now on a just order everything on line and include extra shipping insurance!!