Mark Webber is killing me! He has a never ending run of bad luck that has continued seemingly since 2002. He has had less luck than I have had visits to the gym.

In eight home GP’s Webber has finished in the points only twice. And after Sundays disappointing squish between Barricello and someone (can’t remember who) he was pretty much stuffed for the rest of the race.

I have tried to support him and will continue in the Malaysian GP in Sepang this weekend (live on One HD Sunday night) but I am not sure how much longer I can hold out. Come on Webber, Something!

Good news. Both The Fangsta and Mr Gilly won their trials at Wyong this morning in impressive style and are ready to return to the racetrack.

Mr Gilly sat back near the tail but handled the heavy conditions well. When given a slap with the whip on the turn, he rounded them up to win comfortably by about 2 lengths.

The Fangsta only won his trial narrowly but was never asked to extend, he was really quite impressive.

We will update this site as soon as we have selected suitable races for both of them to resume their racing careers.

The Fangsta will probably have his first up run at Canterbury in a 1MW 1200m race on Wednesday April 8th.

Mr Gilly may resume at Warwick Farm on Wednesday April 15th in a Rating 81 1600m race.

More on the Golden Slipper later in the week.

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.

The only friction in their marriage was the husbands habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife, the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air!

Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn’t stop it and that is was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor as she was concerned one day he would blow his guts out.

The years when by and he continued to rip them out. Then one Christmas morning as she was preparing the turkey and chicken for lunch and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards, neck, gizzards, liver and all the other spare parts a malicious thought came to her.

She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling the bed covers back, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of assorted guts into his shorts.

Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter.

He said, “Honey you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn’t listen to you.”

“What do you mean?” asked the wife.

“Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out and today it finally happened”

“But, by the grace of god, some Vaseline and two fingers I think I got most of them back in.”

First point of business.
If you are a first time user at a TAB or Bookie betting counter please consider others before trying to put your first Quadrella EVER on 30 seconds before the start of the first leg. Consider yourself notified! Try that crap again and your head will be bounced off the tablature computer quicked than you can say “Ummm der ummmm….. how do I put one of those Quadratures on?”

NIFFS!!!!!!

Big cheers goes out to the good people at Doomben race course. Well done about everything except for cutting the beers off at 4:30pm. Still a great day had by all I believe.

It started out a long and hard day for me. I had taken a towelling on the Footy scores on Friday night and the first few hours at the track were turning out even worse. I could not back a thing.

Luckily after a few hours or sooking into my beer while watching others win left right and centre I decided to change strategy and chace value. Admittedly this didn’t immediately result in any joy but as time went on, value chasing, became a necessity given that we were running out of races. Then a hot streak of outsiders (can two be classed as a streak) occurred.

I Am Invincible won in Melbourne at something around $23

Mr Hornblower won in front of me at Brisbane at around $29

After this success I chased a few not so long odds and got lucky with a few of those also. All in all I walked out with about what I walked in with which in my eyes is not a bad days worth of entertainment.

My punters club bet was a niff, sorry boys.

Some of us also journeyed over to the Casino to watch Blacks A Fake go around. Valliant effort by Blacky but unfortunately the bookie took my cash there.

Great Day….. don’t feel so good now however…

I am poised on the edge of one of the best sporting weekends the year has to offer. To kick things off we have an AFL grand final replay live, two NRL games live and the first day of practice in the Australian formula one grand prix. I may just have a couple of bets on the AFL / NRL treble but we will wait and see.

Then on Saturday a few of the boys and I will be in a box at the race track ready to win thousands on the horses. And haven’t we picked a great day for it!! We have the Group 1 Rosehill Guineas along with a bunch of other great races on and off track. Most importantly we will be in a box and I am excited.

Saturday also includes qualifying for the F1 GP and a little game of soccer that may or may not decide if Australia goes to the next soccer world cup. Some other scallywag games of AFL and NRL will also be going on which is handy because, I like to bet.

Speaking of betting, the greatest pacer in the history of the world is trying for his forth straight Interdominion at the Gold Coast tomorrow night and I have had $100 the win. So if your at a loose end Saturday night around 5 past 9pm why don’t you flick on to sky channel or radio tab and cheer home Blacks A Fake, oh and cheer on Auckland Reactors buggy to get a flat tyre or something. Go Blacks A Fake GO!!!!

Please make this photo happen for the fourth time!

Then on Sunday we have more awesome sports with NRL AFL and the Formula One GP to keep me entertained as I nurse a large headache from the day before in the box at the track.

What have the rest of you got?

Why do television networks advertise their weather people to the hilt?

It is apparently going to rain in my city all day this coming Saturday. I repeat, this Saturday is supposed to be rain all DAY. I have already started doing the racing form based on a slow track in anticipation of the coming deluge.

I reckon there is virtually NO chance it will rain on Saturday at all. (we will see)

These same weather people have constantly predicted rain for goodness knows how long and very rarely get it right. When I say rarely I mean NEVER. They are crap.

Even worse, who are the viewers out there that chase down the “best” weather people on television and steadfastly follow their forecasts like it were gospel? I struggle with the idea that there are any people who will actually change channels to watch a particular weather person (unless it is the lovely Liz Cantor and then I completely understand).

Channel 9 have recently added a new bloke who has 15 years “experience” in the industry and from his own mouth “just loves weather”. Loves weather? Loves the sound of his own voice more than likely. He couldn’t predict the coming cyclone of punches to his face if I ever come across him.

In my opinion a Weather presenter on television is far less trust worthy or credible than a used car salesman. At least the salesman gets it right most of the time. The Weather people get it wrong most of the time.

For the 3 minutes on air each night and the rubbish “feel good” stories they persist with, they are the most over-hyped people on earth.

TIPPING COMP PAGE UPDATED TODAY (ABOVE)

I opened my quarterly Carina Leagues Club ‘Connect’ magazine yesterday and as I flicked through stories of new employees and sportsbar innovations I happened upon the Junior Development Managers latest news. His name is Michael De Vere and his photo looked surprisingly like that of former a Bronco winger.

As I read the article I was concerned at the news that this Mick De Vere was going to play one more season. I thought ahhh no problem, he will play for the Carina Tigers in second division or something. But then I read on further and….. NO NO he is planning to play for the Broncos.

Not to fear, I thought, he won’t ever be considered as he was borderline good enough back in the day. Then on the channel 9 sports report tonight and Wally ‘the King’ Lewis is talking to who other than Mick De Vere about a possible return this week for the Broncs.

And that is it, I must succumb to the realisation that the man who has NEVER EVER broken a tackle in his whole NRL career has decided to lace up the boots one more time for the Broncos.

I challenge anyone to show me a time when he breaks a tackle. Actually no, don’t bother, here is another game I prefer to use while watch De Vere.

The sniper game

As soon as De Vere gets the ball in attack pretend you are looking at him through a sniper scope. As soon as De Vere contacts an opposing defender pretend you are firing the sniper rifle at him. I promise, you will not miss him once all night!

I followed the recent Qld state election with some interest. My main area of interest, for anyone who has ever aspired to meet me, was how could I win money on the bastard.

I started out a number of weeks ago, before the election was announced, by checking the prices for a LNP and ALP win. The odds were $3.20 to the LNP and $1.33 for the ALP. Not to shabby in a two horse race.

As the election was announced the prices stayed as they were. But as the news polls came out and seemed to indicate it was relatively even I was a little surprised to see the LNP did not drop in the betting significantly.

Even a week ago odds of $2.75 to the LNP and $1.48 for an ALP victory were available which seems pretty attractive given the continual seemingly evenness of all of the polls.

I even did my own polling! I rang certain government employed contacts of mine asking their feel for things around the traps. I must say some of them were quite concerned about their jobs and had even start preparing goodbye packages for friends and colleagues. Whilst I thought that that might be a bit premature it did lean me a certain way.

I was forced into the corner. The value price for the LNP combined with the apparent ‘flip of the coin’ type closeness in the election was enough and I made a decision to part with some hard earned on Lawrence & Co.

Dam the ALP and dam those pollsters! They couldn’t predict the depth at which my shoe will penetrate their fundamental orifices if I ever catch up with them!