Leyton Hewitt
Once again proved he is made of balsa wood losing in the Australian open and pulling out for the next few months of tennis due to some sort of heart-lidge injury.

Serena Williams
Please show up at my work and have your way with me. I promise not to scream.

Fed Express
As I write this RF is well on his way to another Australian Open championship. Kick it home RF, Australia in the Cricket and Man City tonight for an all up special!

My School
I don’t have kids yet so I may not be the best to express an opinion here. But I did grow up in a shithouse area and went to a shithouse primary school so I know from experience that the bad behaviour of kids is a major cause for their lack of learning and like it or not, bad behaviour stems from bad upbringing not bad schooling. If the government could produce a website on families allowing you to locate statistical and contextual information about families in your community and compare them with statistically similar families across the country there would be hell to pay. But I suspect a far more meaningful improvement.

Rockefeller Death
I wonder if this would have garnered so much attention if he weren’t a millionaire? The fact that he is an accused swinger is pretty exciting so possibly it may have.

Pakistan
Your cricket team is not terribly good and it frustrates me.

Dude who got two sisters pregnant (from here)
Thank you, I haven’t giggled that much in a while.

I am a little confused with the attacks on Tony Abbot for telling his daughters not to let every second bloke they see stick the living snot out of them. Apparently if you tell your daughter not to keep herself for someone special you are imposing your views on all of Australia’s women.

I might be old fashioned but if I had a daughter I reckon I would be telling her something similar.

Then I heard our recent acting prime minister suggesting that “I think Australian women will look at these comments from Tony Abbott and they will say they are not interested in Tony Abbott imposing his views. They will make their own decisions. Australian women are smart and capable they’ll make their own person choices without Tony Abbott telling them what to do”

After reading this from the nations leader I changed my mind. Correct women, you should whore about town luck nobody’s business! That will make my life as a single bloke out in the city much, much easier!

Cheers again for the assistance Le Government

One thing that used to annoy me in cricket is when a blatant mistake was made. I can handle a bloke run out by .05 mm not given out. But I hated some bloke being given out when he had clearly nicked the ball back onto his pads. All in all, it adds to the fairness of the contest.

I am loving channel nines hot spot technology. Loving IT. It has been around for a couple of years and now that it is part of the decision process I am even more happy. I think the challenges in cricket are a very good idea and the hot spot gear is gold. Would love to see it in baseball and golf.

With the combination of Hawk Eye, Snicko, Hot Spot and the run out cam we have the game sorted. Now all we need is for some decent sponsorship of these tools and the game would be laughing. Unfortunately the “creative” minds that be, haven’t grasped the nick through to slips, luckily the good people from Notasmartman.com have thrown in a dive to the right for the fingertip special.

Snicko
Masterfoods should have been set up to sponsor the Snickers Snicko. I even pitched the idea to a representative from the company. Unfortunately the moron responded with a ridiculous comment about preferring to pursue a sponsorship deal with the moron Michael Clarke…. and the second greatest advertising campaign was at an end.

Hot Shot
I say second greatest because the following is the greatest advertising campaign ever. Picture this…. You have had a hard day at the pub punting on horses and drinking beer all day. Knowing that you have the first day playing for your nation in test cricket tomorrow, as the last race finishes and you decide to call it a day with a belly full of beer and a cab ride home. On the way home you see a sign that makes you stop for one last item. A big bucket of greasy KFC hot and spicy. A wise decision at the time as there is nothing better after a day on the turps.

You gingerly wake up the next day with the red ring of death burning a hole like melted lead dripped into your pants. With the headache from hell you sit in the rooms as the team collapses around you, 4 for 57 and yet again that useless Michael Clarke has crumbled under pressure out for a meagre 3. You walk out to bat with a slightly uneasy feeling in your tummy. The Pakistani’s have been bowling some short inswingers that have everyone hopping about. The first ball comes in, good length swinging in you try to pop your hips back as you realise that the ball is heading for the family jewels and brrrrrrrrrrrrr… a gateway is opened to parts unknown. As the appeals go up you know very well that the team laundryman is not going to be to happy with you tonight but the further embarrassment awaits you on the big screen, decision pending….

HowZAAAAAAAAATTTTT

Dear federal government,

I understand that some of your treasury cronies are reviewing the current alcohol excise and are in the throws of recommending that in essence ‘the price of full strength beer should increase by about 5%” and, in March Treasurer Swan will make a decision on whether to carry out this change.

Well unless you want to be treasurer of the local bowls club by this time next year I suggest you listen and listen real close. Stop increasing my FREAKING costs! Since you have come in you have fiddled around with me like I was a small percentage of society that did not matter. I have stood by silently until now, but you touch my freaking beer and I will personally come to Canberra and escort your dopey carcasses to the centre of Lake Burley Griffin where you will be unceremoniously tied to a couple of tally’s full of cement and left to swim with the rest of your political aspirations.

I can live with the price of heavy beer increasing through normal inflationary forces, that is the nature of things. But for some niff nuff with an economics degree who has been watching to many teenage alcohol related violence TV ads to suddenly decide that increasing the heavy beer TAX is the way to go is just moronic.

Leave it be or you will know the wrath of a few million beer drinkers, mark my words!

Regards,

The tide

No updates as my internet has been down but luckily the number of morons in this world only increases.

Apparently there are a growing number of people who have been to see Hollywood blockbuster, Avatar and are becoming depressed, even suicidal at not being able to visit the fictional planet for real.

Some comments ripped from news.com.au story include

“When I woke up this morning after watching Avatar for the first time yesterday, the world seemed grey. It just seems so meaningless.”

“I still don’t really see any reason to keep doing things at all. I live in a dying world.”

“I even contemplate suicide thinking that if I do it I will be rebirthed in a world similar to Pandora.”

I have not seen the movie yet but am interested in the 3D aspect of the movie so would like to see it just for that and due to its length would prefer to see it in comfortable seats somewhere. Regardless I make the following comments regarding the above quotes knowing that I may myself want to neck up after watching.

I think perhaps this movie was strategically designed to root out a certain percentage of the population and ensure their destruction in a project called Avatar Selection. Avatar Selection is a variant of Charles Darwins natural selection in which the weakest and stupidest animals in a species are removed from the gene pool. In this case they will remove themselves from the gene pool but the result will be the same. Thank you director of Aquaman James Cameron…. Thank you.

One of the biggest fights of the last 5 years or so will probably not take place because the major boxers of this world are too selfish to stand up and fight. Floyd Mayweather Jr and Manny Pacquiao are considered the two best pound for pound fighters going around and had decided that they should determine who was the best.

Spanner enters works

It seems that Mayweather wanted to have drug testing for this fight to the same standard as those carried out at the Olympics which includes a possible blood test the day of the fight (not required in professional fights). However the Pacquiao camp refused to provide these samples, only willing to allow blood to be taken from Pacquiao at least 30 days before the fight date as well as immediately after the conclusion of the bout. Pacquiao’s coach Freddie Roach, on the other hand, has commented that he would allow a blood sample to be taken from Pacquiao at least one week before the fight. Either way because these two could not come to some sort of agreement the fight is off.

Now I am not sure this is the actual real reason that this fight could not be put together but it again puts the poor old boxing fan right back down on his backside. A boxing event can cost $50 and the typical under-card includes a bunch no name niff nuffs and one main fight that half the time turns into a game of school yard tiggy. It seems to me that this is not the best value for money. But hey feel free to enjoy the proposed substitute fights of Floyd Mayweather V Paulie Malignaggi and Manny Pacquiao V Yuri Foreman….. exactly, WHO?

MMA is easily the best alternative to those who enjoy competitive combat sports.

You witnessed on of the most blatant acts of match fixing in the history of world sport today when the Pakistan cricket team threw the second test in Sydney. I understand that some of the Pakistani players may not be terribly wealthy but to deliberately bet on the opposing team to win and then go out and let Hussey / Siddle score run after run is DISGRACEFUL. It was so obvious it was embarrassing!

I demand the ICC investigate this obvious match fixing and punish all guilty parties namely the whole Pakistani team and support staff. They should pay a fine (each squad member $450 to me personally) and spend at least 5 years in jail.

The Pakistani wicket keeper (I can’t even be bothered looking up his name) was so deliberately dropping everything that came near him that I thought he had put a bet on himself to drop the most catches in a single test.

The only solace I took out of the game was the fact that Michael ‘thinks his poo don’t stink’ Clarke contributed NOTHING to the victory. He is the proverbial unused spare tyre that is just dragging down the fuel economy of the Australian cricket team. Time to leave him by the side of the road perched up against a mail box for dogs to use in the assistance of territory identification.

Good day.