Dear parents who insist in trick or treating with their children,

I give you fair warning. Knock of my door while I am trying to watch a rugby league test match between Australian and England again and I assure you the expletives your children heard this year will be nothing in comparison to what I do next year.

Get it through your head you complete simpletons. Halloween is not celebrated in Australia in any official capacity. If you want to indulge in some American fantasy, feel free to keep it in your own backyard but if you insist bringing it to my front door you should be ready for a real life horror show.

As for the trick, should I find an ounce of egg on my car or front of the house I will launch an attack against you of biblical proportions. Yes I am talking to you the mousey haired bitch mother from number 493. I know you don’t think I know where you live but I do and I have rotten prawns in my freezer waiting for such an occasion.

Teach your kids something useful instead of this garbage.

Out