Jan 25 2008
A tantalising first just for Australia Day
We are in for a treat this Saturday people! The hottest ladies tennis final in the HISTORY of the sport. For far to long the sport has been dominated by average looking players, but Saturday will be a major breakthrough. We get the reasonably talented Maria Sharapova against the young up and comer Ana Ivanovic.
If all goes well we will see them in a dual spread in FHM very soon.
For the ladies, on Sunday, we will see a mens final involving the blast from nowhere Jo-Wilfried “Muhamad Ali” Tsonga versus (more than likely) Roger “how do I ditch my VERY average girlfriend” Federer.
I know, its not very nice to criticise another mans girlfriend (especially for a man in my position) but seriously, you are a multi millionaire there Roger. It is time to give her the “I just realised I am gay speech”, a suitcase full of cash and tell her not to let the door hit her in the back on the way out.
Australia Day
Another tantalising first is a promise, a promise from me to Australia. If I see any of you out and about this long weekend celebrating our national holiday with the flag of this country draped over their shoulder like it were a cape, you better morph into superman then and there! I will slap a kimura arm lock on you and turn you into hookie the cripple before you have had a chance to say oi oi oi. The following behaviour will be met with the same response.
Letting the flag drape on the ground (an offence I was taught about ‘the hard way’)
Leaving any beer in the bottom of a can / stubby (I don’t care how warm it is boy)
Being male and drinking Vodka Cruisers
Incorrectly claiming things to be Australian or our invention; examples
Thongs
Meat Pies
BBQ’s
Dead arms
Prawns
Out of interest do you know about any other incorrect Australian claims? Let me know.
The womens tennis will certainly be a viewing pleasure (regardless of what the fat boring dumb gay bevan bus-driver Velcrap thinks!)
Federer has a true case of the Hugh Jackmans alright.
I will be wearing a flag as a cape as using my chopsticks as fighting weapons. What are YOU going to do about it?
Pavlova.
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Please oh please let me know where you will be when wearing the cape. I will make sure I find my way there.
SJ
we’ll pelt you with lamingtons and VB cans niffboy!
Next time i see you and all your other asian student buddies waiting at the bus stop….i’m not going to stop
oh…your girlfriend still hasn’t won a grand slam….she’s nothing unless she does
Why cant I proudly wear the Australian flag around my shoulders? and I am pretty sure meat pies are an Australian invention you idiot!
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Because flag etiquette dictates that the flag should not touch the ground, should be respected and because I said so. That should be good enough for you!
SJ
Flags are supposed to be hung from flag poles, not rednecks.
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You sound like you know the rules Krusty, well done.
SJ
A little defensive there Krusty, but you would not be the only nervous NASM reader if it WAS acceptable to hang rednecks from flagpoles!
I am not sure about defensive, there are just some things that should not be done to flags ie it is not illegal to burn a flag, but it is still wrong to do it! Hanging rednecks from flagpoles sounds like a good idea.
You could be mistaken over the last few years when you thought you were watching a mens game of tennis, when it turns out they were actually women! With “women” like the williams sisters, Justine “two names are better than one” Henin-Hardine and Amelie Mauresmo who could blame you? Bring back Steffi Graff I say!
I hear that our flag is now offensive to muslims and has been banded in public places. Apparently they dont like the three little pigs story now either, since it involves pigs. When are we going to “man up”and tell them to shut the hell up?
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Stefi Graff was ok….. it was like watching a nose on a stick running around the court though.
SJ
I’m a big supporter of flag etiquette,
I hate seeing ripped and thread bear flags flying from poles or flags flying at night that have not been illuminated, state flags being flown higher than the national flag and above all they are not a piece of clothing to worn in any form.
But regardless of that I am glad I live in a country that allows you the right to do all those things including burning it with out being arrested
Yes Yes respect for one’s flag is important, but if any of you redneck bevans dare to criticise those tiny little flag bikinis that the group of gorgeous well-endowed german schoolgirl back-packers was wearing that I saw at the tennis last week….then I can only assume that you are related to Velcrap.
I wrapped all my new born children in an ensign for a photo opportunity. Dam, i didn’t realise the consequences of my actions. Although, I think Sam (7yo) could handle SJ…….
I always wondered why Steffi didn’t self-select a nose job (or Andre demand same) given it was her only flaw and cash wasn’t a problem. I guess some people are just satisfied with their God (apologies to those lacking denomination) given features. Good on her for keeping the snozz, and for Federrer and Hugh placing love in front of looks. PS With my looks I have to take this appoach or my superior looking spouse would throw me out!
Obviously not an affliction effecting Phillapoooooosus (by conduct) and SJ (beggers can’t be choosers).
PS Happy Australia Day, for those interested i will be drinking, gambling and playing poker for 20 hours – now thats what I call being an Aussie.
playing 2 up would be more of an Australian thing to do.
First time poster but been browsing this site for a while.
Not sure what your problem is with draping flags over things is.
I spent the weekend driving to mates places with two flags waving off the falcon ute and got nothing but beeps and thumbs up from people.
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In certain situations it can be considered incorrect. I visited a local RSL Saturday night (no not my normal thing) and they were giving away free flag capes as part of a beer promotion. Nobody was willing to wear them as it would look a bit average walking around a servicemens club looking like that.
We are all free to our own opinion …. i just don’t really like the current flag culture.
SJ
I think we agree to disagree then.
Flag hanging off ute??????
Black Panther…..did you enter the Metalica shirt comp? and are you sure they were thumbs??????
There was a guy working at EB wearing a flag on Monday.. it wasn’t even Australia Day any more! Pity I didn’t read this in time or I would have sent you his way SJ.