Aug 11 2010
CBA Reports Record Profit
YEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As a sophisticated investor and part owner of the Commonwealth Bank of Australia I am very happy at todays news from the CBA. In case you missed it…
THE Commonwealth Bank has reported a record net cash profit of $6.1 billion, up 42 per cent from last year.
But just as it is happy news for anyone with the testicular fortitude to invest in said bank it is a sooky day for many of our customers. For some reason our customers feel that we should give them loans for nothing. I have the following for them.
Dear my CBA customers,
We, the owners of CBA do not care about you at all. We certainly couldn’t give a crap about your struggles to pay the money we lent you back. Be thankful we are not round at your house every night demanding our money with baseball bat in hand. If I had my way we would be.
We did not make you borrow one red cent from us. You chose to enter an agreement with us, you and you alone have allowed yourself end up on struggle street so don’t come sooking to us now that you suddenly think the deal is unfair.
As an organisation, we employ over 45,000 people, we actually increased the number of employees in the 2010 year as we have grown our business.
Last year we paid our people over $4.5 billion, which helped support families and communities right across Australia. A further $4 billion was spent on products and services provided by external companies, stimulating economic activity.
Another $2.9 billion was paid in tax all of which we are happy to pay.
74% of the profits are paid back to the owners of the company. Nothing is stopping you from investing in this company and sharing in the profits. Well I say nothing… nothing other than your total inability to handle your own money which is I guess what got you into this situation in the first place. Again how is this my fault?
You may well cry because we make money so I suggest the following to you.
Know your role, shut your little mouths and pay what is owed. OR ELSE!!!!
Yours faithfully,
SJ
CBA Shareholder
Reasons to bank at the TAB instead of the big banks.
1. They have freakin branches everywhere
2. They usually open untill 10 pm to take withdrawls or deposits
3. Sure they don’t pay interest but they don’t charge you either
4. No line ups for more than 30 secs
5. Internet & phone transactions possible.
6. No monthly statements sent to your home notifying the missus about your secret nestegg/ slush fund.
7. Often on a friday or saturday the front desk is being run by skimpy girls.
8. You can get a beer while you bank.
9. You can get a beer after you bank.
10. Taxis usually handy if you decide to have more beers.
11. If you time your transaction right on a saturday you can get in on the free sausage sizzle.
12. Always plenty of parking.
13. They have sport on their t.v.’s
14. No credit cards so no impulse buying.
15. No credit checks
16. You get to choose your own pin number, one that makes sense
17. An incredible amount of diverse dailly investment opportunities
18. Dividends paid instantly.
19. Dividends are tax free
Until CBA offers at least half of these incredible features you share holders will never get any profit from me.
Ps yes iamagaypornshopowner.com it is a joke
As a share holder of the TAB as well this sits fine with me. Thank you Woody
lol at Woody good call
SJ, that makes a lot of sense.
Shame the labour govt will come in and take over and do everyone’s thinking for them.
I would take you dividend now and invest in a few royal commissions………
My loan is with the CBA and I am not sure they would agree with the letter you have written to their customers. Just because you own shares does not make you the boss.
Good stuff from Woody.
Hey Rob B you should invest in the CBA like he says then you might actually stop crying about every little thing.
This letter sounds like what they really think of there customers. Rob B you are a tool.
Rob B you are one funny bastard!
Rob B = voice of reason
Iamamanicdepressive = man who wants physical relations with his mother
Thats incest you disgusting pig!
It is illegal you halfwit!
Doesn’t mean you don’t want to do it freak
SJ I don’t know why cba continues to call you a sophisticated investor because by definition of the term you do not meet the criteria.
Hey Velcro, what would you know about it?