I think we have a ratings bonanza coming to Australian television screens this winter. Stuff the Fenech fight, stuff the Mundine V Green talk, its time to see two of Australia’s most controversial characters in a battle to the death.

Hear me out please. I know you will all think that former crane driver, professional boxer and alleged stand over man Mick Gatto would quickly dispatch of Hinch’s corpse but lets make it a bit interesting. Lets have a series rounds and a final challenge to determine a winner.

First round
Both participants will be stripped naked and put in the middle of a boxing ring (for effect of course). They will then be given a 5 cent sized squeeze of Savlon and a Sao biscuit. Looking at each others quivering bodies they will enter into a war to determine Soggy Sao champion.

Second round
Both men have spent time in the slammer and should be used to the procedures in the shower. In the second round each man will have his hands tied behind his back, knees braced and be forced to pick up bars of soap with their teeth. A shower room full of “hardened” criminals will “cheer” each contestant on. The first one to pick up 100 bars of soap with their teeth wins.

Round Three
I leave up to you. How should these to niff nuffs sort each other out?

Final Challenge
The three round winner will have the upper hand in the “Final Challenge’ and be allowed to use a pistol to make their enemy dig his own grave. The loser will be left with 3 options, have a heart attack during the grave digging and die, dig the grave and get shot as it is complete … and die…. or pull off a Jason Bourne – 007 type move and use the shovel as a weapon to turn the tides in the final challenge winning against all odds.

I don’t know about you but this is the sort of television I could really watch!

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