Dec 13 2007
Rules for the boys
I recently read a blog from All Men Are Liars and while I don’t agree with all of the rules listed here, it gave me the idea to add to them from my perspective.
There are certain rules I am accustomed too, here are some of them. You should familiarise yourselves with these in case you are lucky enough to meet me in real life.
1. If you get into a shout in a bar with me and its your turn to shout, you go buy the freakin beer as soon as I finish mine….. not when you finish yours.
2. If you find yourself falling behind in a shout and you want to pull out because you realise you have made a fatal error in getting in a shout with me, no problem! Purchase your owed round and announce your withdrawal from the shout. You will be called a blouse but you will get over it.
3. Wearing Speedos when you swim in my presence is banned.
4. Giving me crap for urinating in a cubicle is banned, I use them for a special reason…… you know the song.
5. Sidling me when on fire with some pog is banned. If you sidle me, you die.
6. Do not touch my food when I am eating. I am not to be trifled at meal times.
7. Do not ever expect me to line up or pay a cover charge for a night club… EVER
8. You don’t by drinks for random chicks you have just met. Unless they are a friend of a friend, even then its borderline.
9. I don’t walk around night clubs, they walk around me.
10. If we have to walk anywhere and its more than 300 meters (the average length of my tee shots) I would prefer it if we called a cab.
11. Unless its 21°C or less then it is indeed hot.
12. If you get into a shout in a bar with me and its your turn to shout, you go buy the freakin beer as soon as I finish mine….. not when you finish yours. Yes, It is that important.
Can anyone think of any other rules for the boys?
13. I do not go to a TAB facility that only has 1 terminal
14. People should not give me broken electrical appliances and think that I will fix them for free while they sit around waiting drinking my beer. Bring your own beer and plenty of extras and make it the good stuff not gold (you don’t put unleaded in a V8), especially if you have already pulled it apart and had a go at fixing it yourself
15. When playing golf don’t complain about bunkers being to hard and footprints not being raked properly. Just cop it sweet as you are not meant to be in there in the first place they are a HAZARD!!!
16. If any woman takes off her clothes to dance naked or just shows you her tits, do not make rude comments and f*@k it up for every body else. They may not be your cup of tea but sure as shit there will be someone in the room who is enjoying the view. Be polite and show your appreciation regardless of how many miles there maybe on the clock. Learn to enjoy the finer part/parts in every naked woman.
17. If your girlfriend says, “lf we have a threesome with you & another guy of my choice I’ll let you have one with me & the girl of your choice”. She is not being kinky she justs wants to have you watch her being f@*ked by some guy she has the hots for, dumping you long before you ever get the chance to get your threesome. Reverse the tables & insist that you get your end away first
18. If I back a horse at odds longer than $10 & it wins, don’t bitch & say how the f@&k did you pick that, after I gave you fair warning that I was backing it! Just accept humbly that at that point in time I was a better punter than you & in the time it takes to get to the next race you will have the chance to prove otherwise.
19. Don’t ask me how much a six horse trifecta costs…… if you don’t know, can’t do the maths yourself & need to pick that many horses get an $85 trifecta home, it has no chance in the first place & you should just buy an extra shout with the money rather than give it to TAB share holders
20. The air con in my car stays on! If it is too cold just adjust the knob to heat the air a little don’t turn my compressor off even if I wind down the bloody window. If you adjust my air vent position while driving put them back to where I left them.
21. Don’t play with the radio station in my car while I am in the vehicle. I don’t care what you like listening to it is my car! If you borrow my car and change the channel then put it back to where it was before you bloody well return my car.
22. When you borrow my car, the change in the center console is not for you to use at the toll booth or to pay for a newspaper or top up your TAB account. I know its there I left it there and expect it to be there the next time I’m a little short at the end of the week.
23. The theme for any fancy dress party should leave the girls no choice but to wear costumes that leave plenty of flesh exposed and more as the night goes on. I know there are lots of obvious ones but a James Bond theme night is a good one. (think of all the scantily clad bond girls and bikinis that you have seen in those movies)
24. A party is not a party unless there are at least 2 single, good looking, available girls in attendance even if everybody there is a couple(trust me this stirs up the married women something fierce and definently brings out their raunchy side). There must be a pole, bench top or table capable of having the girls dance on it. Pools and spas should be heated, don’t worry about what it costs you it will be worth it, girls will not go naked in a pool at 2 am unless that water is hot, guys should wait 15 minutes before disrobing and joining the girls, don’t seem over keen, towels should be soft and clean and your shower needs to be big enough to accommodate at least 3 of the girls at any 1 time, they will eventually get out of the pool/spa and we don’t want them to stand around getting cold, they are not like us and will not think twice about sharing a good hot shower with another woman if it means she won’t be cold(multiple shower heads people, just pay for the extra water stop being tight)
There should be plenty of girl drinks, a party should never run out of Champagne, Midori, Kahlua or Vanilla Vodka.
—————
You are on fire Woody, I like it!!
SJ
25. You are never too busy at work to contribute to this forum.
I am sorry admin, Woody’s rules are much better than yours. Especially 24. Keep up the good work Woody.
——————
I agree Rob B, Woody is a prolific contributor that has clearly added to this blogs earning capabilities!
SJ
[...] mentioned in the rules for the boy’s articles, rule 6 states that “I am not to be trifled with at meal times.” This includes sitting at the [...]