Dec 31 2007

Soccer, it needs my help

Published by SJ at 9:27 am under General

It pains me to admit this but we all have to agree with the fact that soccer (or football to others) is the world’s game. It garners the most support, has the highest participation rate and causes the most riots.

I used to play it as a younger fellow and will admit I did quiet enjoy it. Not as rough and tumble as league, more free flowing than gridiron and the coach could hide me at left fullback to minimize the damage I could cause. I did reach the heights of qualification for a regional squad but I believe the coach quickly worked out that there must have been some sort of strange paper work mix up, I was mysteriously soon sent home…

I have tried to watch it a bit of late, the local soccer comp and the English premier league. I find it intolerable to be forced to endure a nil all score line at the end of 90 minutes. I consider this horrendous darts!!

Two changes are required.

First, increase the goal size from 7.32 meters wide x 2.44 meters high to the much more shot friendly 8.5 meters wide x 3 meters high. Welcome to heaven! Yes that’s correct, I HAVE JUST ENDED nil all score lines.

Second, I will have you jailed if you ‘fake it’ for a penalty. That’s right, off to the slammer for any budding young Hollywood want to be’s. You thought it was bad when you got accidentally tripped on the field, you are in for an education when you get accidentally tripped in the cell block shower boy.

You listening FIFA? Larger goals and threaten sooksy la la’s with the punishment of penitentiary sodomy. You will get my drift?

8 responses so far

8 Responses to “Soccer, it needs my help”

  1. Velcroon 31 Dec 2007 at 10:24 am

    I love watching soccer, though the differences in quality from A League to Premier League or even Spanish, Italian & German leagues is huge. Goals scored in the A League have nothing on those scored in Europe.

    Though when the LA Galaxy played Sydney FC last month it was quite an exciting game, though again sh!t quality footy with loads of mistakes & errors. What made it exciting was…..fast moving, loads of goals, a bit of spite in the game…and of course Beckham.

    SJ not sure if you’ve ever stood infront of real size soccer goals before but they are HUGE! I can’t believe these goalies are able to stop anything that isn’t within a metre either side of them. Not sure if larger goals are the answer here. Maybe it’s more along the lines of freeing up space or players in the goal scoring area. When they take corners every man & his dog is in the goal square making it pretty hard to get the ball in the net.

    But it’s something Australia must get better at and A League will only help to develop that. It’s great that our players get the opportunity to play overseas but Australian fans never get the chance to see them play as they rarely play for Aust in Aust.

    We stuck it to Brazil in the last world cup and maybe one day we’ll beat them. But we’ll need good players like Kaka who was just voted best in the world.

    ….i think that post was too long :)

    ———-

    You have won the ‘longest comment’ award. Careful you are getting awfully close to being entered into the Not a smart man hall of fame. I have played soccer and am fully aware of the size of the goals. They are pretty much the limits of a fit mans jumping limits, hence they should be larger. All those top leagues you mention have nil all draws as well = boring.

    SJ

  2. Rob Bon 31 Dec 2007 at 10:56 am

    Yes yes, SJ you are absolutley correct. I would proabably have a slight interest in watching this game if it were not for the penalties and lack of goals. Spot on there mate.

  3. Reeeegitzon 31 Dec 2007 at 4:23 pm

    I think they should take the offside rule out of the game!
    Hey Velcro, your comments were more like a game of basketball with lots of dribbling involved. Next time supply a pillow with your short story returns so we can have a kip between paragraphs!

  4. Velcroon 31 Dec 2007 at 4:50 pm

    Look at Reeeegitz pretending he understands “off side”

  5. Marteeenon 31 Dec 2007 at 8:04 pm

    I played soccer in primary school, and I liked playing it, but I certainly dont like watching it at any level. Not really sure why, I dont mind a nil all draw if both teams were evenly matched and if you cant score a goal in 90mins of football then you need better players. I do have a big problem though with the sooksy lalas who fake getting injured and although sodomy is a honourable punishment, I think all they need to do is to make them get stretchered off if they dont get up in 10secs. They must then stay off the field for a certain time before being able to come back on…..
    Now if womens soccer switched to the lyra style uniforms common among the netballers, hockey girls and basketballers……thats soccer I could tolerate!
    Happy new years everyone! Yawn….

  6. Krustyon 01 Jan 2008 at 5:21 pm

    Speaking of female soccer, I wish they would swap shirts at the end of the game. This might attract more supporters, well at least for the end of the game.

  7. Tigeron 02 Jan 2008 at 8:50 am

    I think the chances of FIFA changing the game for one of the smallest nations in the footballing world is going to be a big ask.

    If you want fast and goals then get into indoor soccer/futsal, non stop action and goals.

    Maybe indoor is the future not outdoor, especially for all you ADHD kids out there!!!!

  8. Rat Warneon 05 Jan 2008 at 6:04 pm

    More importantly Reeeegitz understands the real rules of society. And Siddling aint one of them champ. Your rant on Soccer now clarifies your behaviour and lack of reasoning just like some fairy pillow biting soccer kid who dives when the grass is to long.

    Stiff backhander for Velcro from the Moderator.

    I think if it was a contact sport the goals could be smaller if you could knock the lumberjack over as you push the ball into the back of the net.

    My 2 cents.

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