Nov 15 2007
Surviving Melbourne Cup week in a house full of 10 blokes
Tip 1
Don’t buy Oak’s day tickets…. Its for the birds…. literally
Tip 2
Do drink more than everyone else. It gives you unlimited hangover whinging for the next 12 hours. “I am struggling” or “I don’t feel so good” are personal favourites.
Tip 3
TAKE A FREAKING HAT to the cup. Or you may end up looking like ‘Purple Moon’
Tip 4
Don’t spruik about a horse all freaking year long then NOT back it in the cup only to watch the mother win the whole dam thing. This is commonly known in the industry as “Horrendous Darts”
Tip 5
Don’t let your horse run through the running rail. It seems they tend to snap leg bones doing that.
More tips as they come to hand….. you blokes got anything?
Tip 6, No matter how drunk you are and a woman who is well and truly old enough to be your mother sits in front of you and her tit falls out of her dress repeatedly don’t say “that’s a bad looking mole, you should have that checked” even if it has a black hair growing out of it, it is probably just her nipple.
Tip 7, When drunk playing craps at the casino, they consider it poor form to throw the dice directly at the laughing lunatic who is winning when you are losing at the other end of the table……just ask the niff standing next to me who did it twice before being escorted upside down to the exit. (No you can’t just finish that drink!)
Tip 8, when the Doctor tells you a horse can’t win the cup you should have a twenty on it just to save your other bets.
Tip 9, If the Doctor backs a horse and it runs through the rail it will never see the sun come up again. (well done Doctor another notch in the gun)
Tip 10, Hook turns are perfectly legal in Melbourne (What the?)
Tip 11 – When choosing rooms to bed in, make sure you are first to grab the laundry! Heaven on tiles.
Did you blokes partake in the shared loving action that may occur when a bunch of blokes are all shacked up together for a while. Think shower / Soap.
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Thats not such good darts there Rob B. I am a little offended.