Mar 08 2010
The Tounge
I would like to introduce you to a little friend I call Tunge, Tounge, Tongue or any other variant involving those letters you can think of.
He is an interesting chap. Luckily only a select few of you out there will know whom I am talking about, but he is a truly rare friend indeed. He can laugh with you, cry with you but one thing he likes to do more than anything is to beat you! Beat you mentally, beat you morally and in the case of a sleeping friend, beat you physically.
But there is a special little place he holds in his heart that very, very few people know about him. He loves to win cash and loves it nearly as much as much as he loves dominating someone in a verbal argument on social etiquette. No actually, he loves to win cold hard cash much much more, which brings me to Saturday afternoon.
It was my punt for the punters club, I had $100 that needed to be bet somewhere. I decided Vision and Power and Triple Honour were the place to be. Much to my annoyance said Tunge suggested that both of my decisions were STUPID and a waste of hard earned punters club money.
Vision did nothing but a flying Triple Honour nearly pulled (finished 2nd) of a $450 return. As Trip’s race finished a noise rarely heard occurred as the Tunge started jumping for joy celebrating a trifecta victory! I sat bewildered for a moment trying to determine how a person who could denigrate me so openly for picking a second place horse could have somehow won a trifect in the same race. It soon became apparent that the Tunge had in fact picked Triple Honour in his trifecta, the sly dog. Tunge celebrating only as a Tunge can thought that this was the greatest thing in the history of the world and celebrated accordingly…. He celebrated that is until he checked his ticket. Whoops it seems the Tunge filled out his ticket incorrectly. That would mean no win.
Not surprising, Tunge was quite disappointed with this mistake and sooked into his beer for a number of minutes. He whinged he moaned but nothing changed the fact that he had cost himself a number of hundred dollars. I must admit I even, nearly felt a little sorry for him.
After a brief period the Tunge fired back with a bet here and a bet there. Soon enough the unit was back. He started to concentrate his considerable abilities on a little town known as Toowoomba. After a few minutes of study he declared a special that would be hard to beat. Thinking that he was acting his niff nuff normal self, know one listened to him. He made a significant bet that defied logic and watched the race unfold. As the line approached the only thing I could here was an abusive Tunge telling anyone who will listen that he tipped it, bet it and won the mother fooker. I did a little maths in my head and determined that Tunge had won enough money that maybe it was time to be his friend.
About 10 minutes into my sucking up process and Tunge’s relentless celebration the loud speaker at the TAB informed us of some facts that would make me laugh for a good solid 10 minutes. The Toowoomba race that Tunge had just won was declared (for no apparent reason) a no race!! A NO RACE ie. no bets counted and Tunge’s second huge victory of the day had been torn from his proverbial wallet! Sure he got his money back back its not the same.
It may seem cruel but jees I laughed!
Laughing at other people’s misfortune…….priceless.
You do not seem like a very nice person to me!
A funny tale. Not for your mate.
I was trying to lodge a few bets in Melbourne but it was cancelled. Pussy Victorian’s, letting a little rain spoil the day.
The point that I find hilarious is that you losers actually sit at the local TAB & bet on horse racing. Could you epitomise the typical middle-aged loser anymore??
This Tunge sounds like the King of all losers. Why doesn’t he join in on the blog? I would welcome another loser on board for me to ridicule.
You are right Rob B, on face value that’s not the nicest post SJ’s ever written. That said, if you knew the bloke he’s talking about, then you would change your mind. What SJ has dished out there would pale into insignificance compared to the sheer joy Tunge would be feeling if the tables had been reversed.
SJ, I would like to make a subtle correction though – yes, he does like to beat you, but what he likes the most is you losing. He doesn’t even have to win, as long as you aren’t. He can decide not to bet on a race and then as soon as he knows which horse you’ve backed, he’ll openly kick home anything else in the filed just so you don’t win.
IASM, your problem is that you clearly can’t afford to be at the TAB with us. You really shouldn’t have told us how little money you make. I even feel a little sorry for you now.
Sounds like it cost a bit of cash and what is with his name? That is one bad nickname.
Some pure gold from SJ! I must admit I feel sorry for The tongue.
Still if was me, I would rather be the tongue than be a dipstick!
Oops I meant tounge. Sorry freckles.
Fat One, I know you’re not the most literate of human beings so I understand your confusion. Let me clarify with you; my yearly remuneration is over ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS!!!! Put another way, it’s probably triple the amount that you blue collar bevans earn.
As if to intensify the gap between the haves (me) & the have nots (you) you also blow what little you have at the TAB where I spend mine on assets like my beautiful car.
You will always be the loser in this life. I will always be the winner!
Skunk, don’t feel sorry for Tunge. YOU ARE JUST LIKE HIM!!!
You have no idea just how like him the skunk is IASM.
PS. I got it the first time you wrote it nimrod. You earn a pitiful $100k a year. I didn’t think a human being could afford to live on such crumbs.